Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
