Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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