I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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