I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
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You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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