Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
