I cockslap morals
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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