So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
