Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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