mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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