If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
