I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
