I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
