No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
