All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize