I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Randomize
