Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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