she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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