last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
