Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
