I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
