what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
