i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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