R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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