We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
