I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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