when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
false alarm. still invincible.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize