No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
