I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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