I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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