Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
