Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
