I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
