It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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