I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
