The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
