I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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