I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
