apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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