no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
