the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
