gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
