All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You can't special order awesome
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
