Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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