i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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