Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
