I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Someone signed my nipple.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize