ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
