you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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