Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
