Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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