You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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