splinters make it hard to masturbate
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
