thus making me awesome and them whores
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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