it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
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She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
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I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I stole an accordion from the bar
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.