had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.