Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
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She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
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The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"