id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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