Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.