She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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