i only shaved half my leg
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.