Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins