I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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