wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
