i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize