i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
