dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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