dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The power of my boobs compel you
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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