All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
