They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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