Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
