Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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