My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
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She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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