Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
