lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
